66 Ways to Annoy an Atheist

Atheist Hussy and The Rad Guy Blog found the following list from The Richard Dawkins forum (phew, everyone happy?) I've adapted my favourite 66 from the original 281.

1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.
2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.
3) Ask them to pray with you.
4) Invite their children to go to church with you.
5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.
6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.
7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."
8) Make up statistics.
9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."
10) Accuse them of persecuting you.
11) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never follow up on them.
12) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."
13) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth."
14) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you will still have your faith.
15) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.
16) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.
17) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true... Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
19) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.
20) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways ...and we're too small to comprehend his reasoning... and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should be."
21) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so much proves God's existence.
22) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and crew, but one little girl survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that this miracle proves the existence of God.
23) Tell him that we all fall short of God's grace.
24) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that it's out of context.
25) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in correct context, tell him you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.
26) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't see the air.
27) Sigh, shake your head, and say "I just know that someday you'll need Jesus."
28) Talk about how you used to be a miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal until you found God.
29) Tell him about Christ's plan for salvation for the billionth time.
30) Insist that a person who makes Christianity look bad was not a True Christian.
31) Use only circular reasoning.
32) Claim that the atheist only uses circular reasoning.
33) Claim that circular reasoning is legitimate due to circular reasoning being legitimate.
34) When asked to explain a theological concept, compare it to something simple, like "water," and then misunderstand that you have incorrectly labeled the constructs of your analogy, then dismiss the whole thing with, "You've just got to have faith."
35) End all your posts with "God Bless."
36) Claim that God chooses who is going to heaven and humans have nothing to do with his decision, but he's going to hell because he sinned.
37) Most carefully of all, explain that while all of the Bible is inerrant, Revelation does not literally mean what it says.
38) Tell him that God answers all prayers -- sometimes the answer is no.
39) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.
40) Say that God can't reveal himself with any real proof, because that would remove the need for faith.
41) When something awful happens, tell him not to blame God -- he doesn't interfere.
42) When something wonderful happens, tell him to credit God -- he made it happen.
43) Explain that it doesn't matter whether or not he thinks he's sinned -- all humans were imbued with original sin at the moment of their birth.
44) ...then tell him that babies automatically go to heaven... and mentally retarded people.
45) Spell it "athiest."
46) Tell him that Hitler was an atheist.
50) Tell him that he's playing right into Satan's hands, because Satan's greatest ploy is convincing people that God doesn't exist.
51) After your argument has been effectively refuted, wait a few days and then repeapt the argument, adding, "You still haven't addressed this."
52) Claim to be speaking in tongues when actually you're just babbling incoherently.
53) When he points out an apparent inconsistency of God's attributes, just say that God is infinite. The atheist, with his finite, human brain cannot begin to understand God.
54) Say that going to church is fun... and when he says it's boring, act surprised.
55) Insist that homosexuality is a choice.
56) Tell his that it's not a religion -- it's a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
57) Sing.
58) After losing an argument horribly, say that you will pray for his eternal soul.
59) Ask why he only focuses on the bad parts of the Bible.
60) Use transitive verbs intransitively (e.g. "Jesus raised from the dead").
61) When he finally gets tired of you and launches several "Do Not Feed The Troll" campaigns against you, change your handle.
62) When the subject of homosexuality comes up, say "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
63) When ending your conversation with the atheist, promise to read whatever book the atheist may have mentioned, knowing darned well that you yourself never made it through Leviticus
64) Refuse to give him your wallet after he quotes Matthew 5:42 to you.
65) Take advantage of a horrible national tragedy, caused in large part by religious fanaticism, by pushing your own religious fanaticism as the only thing that will save us all.
66) Insist on deathbed conversions.

3 comments:

Eek said...

I dont often have religious debates with people, christian, athiest or otherwise. Religion is one of the most personal choices a person can make and I respect that.

People can believe whatever they wish lol, assuming it brings no harm to other. It's THEIR belief system and therefore none of my darn business, but...

Some of these are just frickin funny, really really frickin funny. I mean, who HASN'T heard a christian person use at least some of these "justifications" for the flaws in their belief system and in the bible. Funny.

Bad me. I think I'm going to hell.

James said...

I like number 2. As if there is no such thing as the justice system lol.

American Scot said...

Love the blog! (Thanks James^^^^)
I think # 17 is the most annoying one!