Prayer works! It's win-win for God - yay!

I was chatting with a Christian friend who hesistated in talking to me somewhat because she thought it would end up as blog fodder. Sigh, well 'you' planted the thoughts gal, so here goes. I'm not attacking 'God' as such because a reasonable part of me believes he doesn't actually exist in the first place, nor does he read my blog. The unreasonable part of me thinks he exists and is aware of the blog but couldn't care less and that he has put this whole universe in a little jar in his fortress of solitude. And no, I'm not going to bloody well give the 'he' a capital H... for crying out loud. If this stupid and probably non-existant deity is so pedantic about capitalisation, he can kiss my evolved upper-case Monkey Butt!

Anyway, kudos to God for answering every prayer... you said, "prayers aren't always answered the way one hopes for or expects sometimes", and this is a fairly old argument that has him landing on his big feet smelling like a rose and whistling dixie to himself as he wanders away from a situation with his hands nervously held together behind his back. He wins every time with this logic and comes across as the ultimate convenience trickster. Sure, he can't answer every prayer as we'd like him to or we'd all be drinking without hangovers and std free orgies.

Dear omnipresent Lord, you are so awesome and big. You are so big that I feel small when I stand next to you... you're one big bitch. I beseech thee oh Lord of lords, and king of kings, and queen of queens, and Jack of Jackshit, to hear my prayer and throw me a friggin' bone here 'cause this is taking up my quality masturbation time. Forgive me oh holy one, for I have been created sinful (in your image? were you too susceptable to fucking up? how does that work? whatever...) and I truly hope you forgive me for being created by you. Yeah, see I don't get it either, but there's no use complaining, eh?
Yadda yadda yadda... save the whales, and the kids born into starvation and poverty, and please stop rape and people who don't indicate at roundabouts... people are getting hurt. That's it for now. Can you use your awesome Holy Ghost super powers to turn the global warming stuff around too huh? Polar bears gotta eat.

4 comments:

rmacapobre said...

there had been scientific reseach on this and prayer doesnt work. (at least on actively healing the sick). this is one of the hypocrisies i think thats very prominent about theists. why go to the hospital or to a doctor at all with these people.

prayer may make people feel better about the situation. yes.

prayer may make the sick feel better. yes.

prayer cures the sick. no. this is FACT.

me said...

Hello, rmacapobre

How do you explain this,then?

Anonymous said...

Nearly 7 full minutes of pure bologna.

There've been a few studies indicating that certain dietary factors can be a catalyst for Crohn's. Among these, a high sugar intake is frequently indicated as a likely suspect.

The reason I point this out, specifically, is because our brilliant hero, Rick, specifically mentions that "lifting up the name of Jesus" is "almost like eating lots of candy." That's a quote. I therefore propose that his Crohn's went into remission when he stopped mainlining Pixie Sticks and Skittles, most likely per his doctor's recommendations.

Incidentally, Crohn's can come and go pretty easily. Let's sit tight and see what happens, since it's fairly obvious that Rick hasn't been on top of this one for very long, hey?

Anonymous said...

Actually, there are studies and proof that prayer DOES heal. But that's besides your point.