Top 10 Christian Break Up Lines

10. I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual.

9. I'm sorry, it's just not God's will.

8. I feel called to the ministry...very soon and very far from you.

7. I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic.

6. God loves me and must have a better plan for my life.

5. You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother.

4. At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together.

3. You need someone with lower standards.

2. I think we should just be prayer partners.

1. I do love you, but it's just agape now.

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Anonymous said...

Dude, I had to comment on this one, since I've lived it. I was dating a girl in college (well, dating might be a stretch... it was more sleeping with, but you know), and she happened to be a Pastor's daughter. She and I had been having sex regularly for about a month, when she went home for a visit over spring break.

When she came back, she and I met up for dinner, had a good time, and went back to her place.

Now, keep in mind that before she left, she had told me that she thought things were moving too fast, and that she wanted to slow them down.. in other words, lets lay off the sex. No big deal from my part, as I truly did like this girl and thought there might be more to the relationship.

Back at her place, the first thing she did was come on, and come on strong, and things happening the way they usually did, we ended up having sex. Remember, SHE initiated it.

So I'm driving home afterwards, and I get a page from her (remember back when we all had pagers, and not cell phones?). I pulled over at a gas station (needed a pack of smokes anyway), and called her from a payphone. Following is the conversation (I'll never forget it):

Me: Hey whats up, saw that you paged.

Her: Yeah... listen, I need to talk to you.

Me: Ok, whats up?

Her: When I was home, I made a promise... I promised Jesus that if you and I slept together again, I'd break it off.

Me: ...?

Her: I'm really sorry, I just think this is moving to fast for me, and I have to keep my promise to God.

Me: ....?!?

Her: Sorry, I'll talk to you later.

Me: Ummm, ok.

Seriously, probably the weirdest break-up I've ever had.


mothpete said...

So in other words... "Cya, pack your bags, I'm goin' on a guilt trip".

Funny she made a promise with Jesus. I can imagine Jesus with that big cheesy smile and thumbs up, saying - "Oh, ok - go for it, but just one more time, and make sure you scream my name out."

Thanks for the story Olly

Anonymous said...

Really in the end all it did was reinforce my Atheism... if there was a God, she would have kept sleeping with me, because DAMMIT she was freakin' hot!