God Hates Globes - The Earth is Flat (don'cha know?)

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I thought it was urban myth, but there is actually a significant amount of people who believe the world is flat and can 'prove' it with the Bible. The Creation Museum provoked me to see what else various Christians believe about our planet. I bet even Ken Ham thinks these flat-Earth guys are nuts, but then I also bet he's given the flat Earth theory a lot of thought. Don't even get me started on the Hollow Earth theory.

Flat Earther Quote: "The World governments that have lost many ships and submarines to the edge of the world, got together and formed the Ice Wall out of water they sprayed to form the wall.I have documents that I stole from one of those "lost ships". Check out the FAQ's I found on their website. The words in green are my own commentary. Try not to let them talk you into believing their stuff eh? These Flat Earth society guys are actually serious...

1. Do you guys honestly think that the Earth is flat?
We don't think the Earth is flat, we know it is based on overwhelming biblical evidence. (I'm sure there is, but see, this is how weird you can get when you use the Bible as a book of facts)

And a highly regarded Christian monk named Cosmas based his conclusions on the teachings of the Bible. The reason for Cosmas' belief in a flat Earth was the statement in Revelation 1:7 that, when Christ returns, "Every eye shall see him." Cosmas logically concluded that if the Earth were round instead of flat, people on the other side would not be able to see Christ's second coming. (Can't argue with Cosmas with that logic... mainly 'cause he's dead now)

2. But Jesus himself never said that the Earth was flat, did he?
God did, and orthodox Christians believe that Jesus is God. Thus Jesus did in fact say that the Earth is flat. (Ahh touche)

3. Do you have any scientific evidence to back up your claim that the Earth is flat?
Although our group associates the term "science" with the black arts and the occult, we have used it to disprove itself. Here's a "scientific" test that anyone can do right now. Go outside and simply look at the landscape. Does it seem flat or round to you? (They have an answer for everything!! They've thought this through eh?)

4. What about when you watch a ship set out to sea? You can literally see it dip under the horizon. How would that work if the Earth was flat?
Have you ever heard of waves? (Don't buy used cars from flat earthers)

5. Why do you refer to Columbus, Copernicus, and Galileo, as "the devil's messiahs," or "Satan's sons?"
Because they are the most noted perpetuators of the global theory myth, and are burning in eternal hellfire for their lies. These men brazenly declared that the laws of nature conflict with the teachings of the Bible. (These were Satan's sons? Who was mum, I wonder... bet she was hot!)

6. What's your beef with N.A.S.A.?
Aside from the obvious difference in opinion about the Earth's shape; our beef with N.A.S.A. is that they are a Satanic coven masquerading as a government institution. They use our tax dollars to forge photographs of a spherical Earth, and fake moon landings. They build giant missiles which they call "shuttles," and aim them at God. It's also common knowledge that N.A.S.A. is an acronym for "Not A Spiritual Association." (Common knowledge??? amongst Flat Earthers perhaps - Yeah, everyone knows that acronym)

7. Do you think it's at all possible that the phrases in the Bible that refer to "The four corners of the Earth," were figures of speech or errors in the translation?
God is not mistranslated, and when you see him descend on a golden chariot in the sky from all points of this flat Earth you will know this to be true. (This golden chariot seems a bit showy, don't you think? Pimp my chariot bitch!)

8. What about all those pilots who fly around the world every day? Surely they would know weather or not the world was round or flat.
Oh and they do... That's why it's one of our group's many responsibilities to help break the oath of silence imposed on the world's aviators by the Globeite Zeitgeist. (Ohh, those fly boys and their secrets!)

10. Do you believe that the current Presidential administration is doing a good job enforcing spiritual values?
Yes and no. he's been rather lax when it comes to the Bible truth of a flat Earth. (for shame President Bush... another strike against your name! - Stem Cell research and now a laxness on flat Earth)

11. What division of Christianity does your group represent?
We consider ourselves to be the only true Orthodox Christians, all other divisions are wrong. (These guys have little tolerance for the Sphere-Earth Christians)

12. What can I do to help your movement?
You can download the images and slogans we use on our protest signs and stage your own demonstrations alongside other Christian fundamentalist groups. (Umm, I wonder what sort of help is meant by from the 'Frequently Asked Questioners' - Help is definitely needed). Every time a group of Creation scientists hold a picket we'll be there preaching the flatness of God's creation.

Flat Earth Slogans you can use to HELP the movement:

* God Hates Globes
* Ban round Earth theory
* Our map doesn't spin
* Think inside the box
* Flat is Phat, Yo!
* Burst the global theory bubble
* The Earth is flat, accept it* Flat planet: it's the flat out truth
* Don't fall off the edge of reason Accept a flat Earth
* God's word is not irrational a round Earth is
* The Earth was created in 7 days and It's flat
* Trust your myopic vision, the world is flat

You really need to worry about people who believe 'Pirates 3 - At World's End' and 'The Flintstones' are non-fictional documentaries. EE-YUP... there's all kinda crazy out there on this big green blue planet of ours. "What a wonderful (Mad) World"... ohhhh yeahhh ....

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5 comments:

Eek said...

Hold on... you mean Pirates 3 IS FICTION? OMG!

Nooooooo.

JC said...

Hello!

I was looking for Christian blogspots and happened to stumble past your. I read your God hates Globes the earth is flat and just wondered a few things.

1.Do you guys honestly think that the Earth is flat? Lolz dude, the earth ain't flat mate as we all know, and the bible has never mentioned once that the earth is flat? Have u got a bible verse if possible that i may see?

2. But Jesus himself never said that the Earth was flat, did he? Eh? when did God or Jesus say that the earth is flat. I dun remember reading the bible on those lines...

3. Do you have any scientific evidence to back up your claim that the Earth is flat? Well science to me is anything proven fact by man to benefit mankind? Yeh they have proven the Earth is should we say round?

4. What about when you watch a ship set out to sea? You can literally see it dip under the horizon. How would that work if the Earth was flat? Lolz hmmm i think i shall not comment, i'm not a physicist but yeh earth ain't flat ur right!
Have you ever heard of waves? Not much of a surfer lolz

5. Why do you refer to Columbus, Copernicus, and Galileo, as "the devil's messiahs," or "Satan's sons?" WHO on earth said that? I'm a Christian i didn't say this...all that i know off is that they are humans? do u agree?

6. What's your beef with N.A.S.A.? who said anything that NASA is evil, these guys are doin space exploration? lolz mate i dunno who are these people attacking you it seems they aren't realli Christian themselves...these people...they seem to be full of hate and condemnation...

7. Do you think it's at all possible that the phrases in the Bible that refer to "The four corners of the Earth," were figures of speech or errors in the translation?
lolz mate....i'm gravely sorri to say this but not everythin in the bible is the be taken literally...u say u are devoted for 17 yrs as a Christian...u should know the verse in the New Testiment about it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. Literal?

8. What about all those pilots who fly around the world every day? I dun think i have to answer this....I'm just repeating myself lolz

10. Do you believe that the current Presidential administration is doing a good job enforcing spiritual values? Well u tell me...u have read the bible does he follow the 2 commandments by Jesus. Is he spreading the good news to the world?(ie the gospel)

11. What division of Christianity does your group represent? umm..doesn't the bible forbid divisions?

12. What can I do to help your movement? well to help, we can preach the good news about God sending His son to die on the Cross for us so that our sins may be forgiven and that we may be saved!

Its not hard...all it takes is repentance and to seek righteousness in God. Remember there are many Christians that claim to be Christian but are gravely mistaken. These people are sons and daughters of Belial and do not let these people corrupt u... remember God loves u and if u feel angry about that...then i can say no more!

Yours sincerely,
JC

MothandRust said...

1. Well of course the earth isn't flat, but don't tell them that. They're happy in their ignorance... much like I believe most christians to be. That was sort of the point of the blog post. I think you missed it.

2. They believe Jesus is God, do you think he's not?

3. Yep, the good old scientists have proven that the earth is a sphere... pity they don't get as much recognition in the christian community as with their evolution evidence.

4. Let's just say these 'flat earthers' are an even wackier community of christians than say... the speaking in tongues ones.

7. I don't think you read my post very well mate. I don't think they earth is flat. I'm making fun of the people who do. IN fact, i'm making fun of people who believe in any such mythology. It's funny how christians 'choose' which bits to take literally and which they don't. They mostly love to take Genesis literally, then take the last book metaphorically. Pick and choose theology.

12. My god loves you too. Nice isn't she!?

JC said...

Hi again! nice quick reply!

we should have more talks on this my friend. let me leave a few replies again

1. Who on earth thought the world was flat?! lolz plz tell me who these 'Christians' are...

2. Remember in the bible it has been stated the Father is Different to Jesus the Messiah, they are two different entities.
The Father is the Heavenly Father while Jesus, His son is the Messiah, the saviour of this world.

3. definite solid evolution evidence. have u got a link? i would like to read it. sounds interesting

4. You're correct my friend. There are some Christians wacky Christians out there. Hence we must be careful and help pull these guys up from their demise. Speaking in tongues, you and I know that a person who speaks in tongues with no interpretation is sinning. He might be speaking words from the devil... Speaking in tongues without an interpretation is a sin which will warrant punishment. lolz. Also holy laughter..what is ur view? Imo all i can say is if ppl do it to make them think they are holier than others, they are tryin to 'glorify' themselves and not God...such a sin will warrant punishment. We must pray and help such ppl to humble themselves

7. You quoted "I'm making fun of the people who do. IN fact, i'm making fun of people who believe in any such mythology". Let's try and not mock such ppl yah? Do it out of love and rebuke these ppl my friend, not run them down! But not all of it is to be taken literally, u as a reader should pray to God for wisdom so u can discern which parts are literal which aren't! Like revelation, it was told to the prophet in a dream, literal or not? u tell me!

12. My god loves you too. Nice isn't she!? Lolz who is your God..introduce to me!

MothandRust, check out my blog on the way comment if u want! nice talking to ya and thanks for keepin it civil lolz if u know what i mean! people that start arguing and calling others u idiot for believing this...well what u think of them lolz

Peace
JC

MothandRust said...

1. The link is on the page.

2. The bible also says they're the same, but that's a mystery right?

3. I could provide many links but you won't read them and I don't care to explain evolution to you. I just want to laugh at creationism.

4. No I don't know they are sinning. Speaking in tongues is nonsense and there is no such thing as 'sin' unless you're looking to control people with guilt and fear.

7. You can not mock people if you like, I'll mock while there's people doing mockabale thing. Even god laughs at his opposers in Psalms 1

12. My god is an invisible pink unicorn. Have you seen her?