A tribute to those who are Christian by name only

You call yourself a Christian, but

• You still haven't read the Bible all the way through, even though you usually have the 'Fifteen Minutes a Day' it takes. You're conveniently avoiding the numerous tricky scriptures atheists throw at you.
• You get in slumps where you only pray to "God" when you need something, or things are going bad.
• You're secretly happy when circumstances prevent you from going to church.
• You sometimes can't help tuning out the sermon (because it's so "damn" boring)
• You often feel embarrassed by your fellow arms-in-the-air/crying zealot.
• You get annoyed when you're requested to stand (you were obliged to get up early on a weekend; who can blame you?).
• You act like the offering plate is a hot potato when it's passed to you.
• You have closed your eyes or slept during sermon.
  

You call yourself a Christian at HOME

You call yourself a Christian, therefore you believe God will always provide, so why do you sometimes jip God of his tithe because you feel you've wasted money on something that month?

You call yourself a Christian, but you like watching Desperate Housewives just as much as the next guy.

You call yourself a Christian, but you "witness" to other people about as often as you tell them your blood type (or you're in the other extreme and all sense of being "Christ-like" goes out the window when you do).

You call yourself a Christian, therefore are against abortion by default, but what about the millions of half-children you're killing every time you whack off (to porn?).

You call yourself a Christian, so why is it that various sources say that your faith has the highest divorce rate, while atheists have the lowest of all? Ironic, don't you think?

You call yourself a Christian and are against abortion, but when was the last time you gave money or time to crisis pregnacy centres.

You call yourself a Christian and never have the highly advertised "Quiet time with the lord." You think you can make up for it by listening to Christian music in the car, even though most times you aren't even paying attention.

You call yourself a christian, but revel in the idea of eternal torment for those that disagree with your belief system.

You call yourself a christian but find it acceptable that the people you love so much may be sent to eternal torment because they said or thought something contrary to your beliefs.

You call yourself a Christian, but have an idea that some sins are worse than others. Distorting the truth can be justified if it results in a "win" for God, but being gay is undoubtedly an offense worthy of death and eternal fire.

You call yourself christian,but can't accept all other god beliefs, not even the 30 000 plus religious flavors of christ.

You call yourself a Christian, but you adhere to "selective morality" when it comes to obeying what The Word teaches. Don't you love God enough to do what He says? Consider the following:

• People should give one-tenth of their income to the Lord, which Biblicists equate with church (“And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land, or of the fruit of the tree, is the Lord’s...And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the Lord”--Leviticus 27:30-32)

• “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak”-- 1 Corinthians 14:34

• Christian women are supposed to dress discreetly (“...that women should adorn themselves modestly and sensibly in seemly apparel, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly attire”--l Timothy 2:9 RSV

• Shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God”--Deuteronomy 22:5

• “If any man come to me, and not hate his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sister, yet, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).

• "Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?" (l Corinthians 11:14)

• Here is perhaps the mother of verses ignored: “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matthew 7:1) and “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged, condemn not and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). I have yet to meet a Christian who has not judged my atheism.

• repetitious and monotonous praying is in violation of Matthew 6:7. “But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.”

• (“But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also”-- Matthew 5:39).

• Biblicists are not allowed to call anyone “father” (“And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven” (Matthew 23:9).

• Christians are not supposed to plan or prepare. God will provide (“Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or that ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on... Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, not gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feedth them. Are ye not much better than they?”

• Tattoos are anathema: (“You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh on account of the dead or tattoo any marks upon you. I am the Lord”--Leviticus 19:28)

• Money cannot be lent at interest to your brother, only to foreigners (Deuteronomy 23: 19-20) Ahhh, I’m recalling all the Christian banking corporations....

• Eating pork is forbidden (Deuteronomy 14:8). Hmm, I’ve never met a Christian who DIDN’T enjoy bacon and eggs.

• A man must marry and have relations with his dead brother’s wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). This goes without explaining of course.

• A seducer must marry an unengaged virgin whom he seduces (Exodus 22:16-17)

• A raped, unengaged virgin must marry her rapist and they can never divorce (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). What justice the “moral majority” advocates.

• Bastards can’t enter the Lord’s congregation. (Deuteronomy 23:2) Hey, I know this is harsh, but God commands it, hence it must be “just”.

There are several petty and silly little verses in the O.T., but none the less, they are to be followed. I guess it’s okay to disobey the lord for fashion’s sake. Beards can’t be rounded (Leviticus 19:27); A garment composed of wool and linen can’t be worn (Deuteronomy 22:11)