You might be a Christian if...

You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, animals and trees!

You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (a few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is just a few generations old.

You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

While modern science, history, geology, biology, physics and textual scholarship fail to convince you that the Bible may be less than reliable, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" is all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply God saying "No."

You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

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Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Oh those are brilliant!! Mind if I post it on my political blog?? I'll like to you. :)

Deloceano said...

Moth, gotta say man, this blog is fucking genius! Well done. You are pointing out in a humerous and yet poignant way the illogical, hypocritical and contradictory nature of Christian dogma, and at the same time drawing christian comment that just furthers the points you are making (like the last comment by KK on your blog about gay marriage).

I think on the comments in that blog, you did yourself a disservice by stating that you are no exegete. You have clearly read exegetical works, and while it may not be your are of expertise, you do a good job of understandint the cultural millieu around certain passages. The guy you were having the discussion with clearly fancies himself an exegete of highest standing, and yet can read nothing more into said exegesis than conservative heteredoxy - are many well qualified exegetes who would conclude that he hasn't actually done any thinking for himself on those issues (and Spong would be one of them).

Again, good blog mate - will look forward to exploring some of your other posts.

Occum said...

I just came on to this site looking for an intellgent, humorous response to my friend's constant barrage of Christian bullshit. Being a religeous non-believer my experiences have taught me that my rebutals are more effective with an element of humor which you have just provided.
Thank you and 'God Bless'.

mothpete said...

Hey, thanks you guys. I'm a little late reading these comments, but there ya go. :D