Sounds like Tinnitus

Tinnitus is a huge part of my life and the bane of my existence. The drama queen in me needs a bane I suppose. I'd have rather something else though. Check out the following video to see exactly how I've been living for the last 4 years. I've habituated it mostly but it's always there. It reminds me I'm alive and that's what I let it do.

I decided to make a whole other blog dedicated to the topic for those ships in the night that pass and need to hear how others have gotten themselves through the hard times. I'm really happy to have been there for you at that dark time, Barb. Millions of blogs out there girl. Makes me wonder about time and chance. 

It's got videos, and links, and poems, and feeds to the latest information in Tinnitus research. I'll journal my tinnitus stuff in there from now on. It's for those who share in the ailment and want a place to vent and the like.

I had little hope for recovery and three years later I have no hope, but am habituating it better some days. Back then though my God had deserted me. My faith was tried and I failed to fit God into the scenario. I am still angry at God but am not really blaming Him; I mean I didn't know if he really existed, and his continuing silence didn't help him. I got tired of praying. If he was there, he heard me the first time. Why did God allow tinnitus? Why did he design and allow toads to exist? I'm angry about the toads. I hate tinnitus, toads, traffic lights, terrorists, and many other words starting with the letter T.

I do find comfort in thinking this is a learning experience and a challenge. That's what life is. Life's not a song, life is not bliss, life is just this - it's living (Jos Whedon, Spike, Buffy the Vampire slayer). Well, that's a quote from a vampire with no soul. Still, life isn't easy and it's not supposed to be. It isn't all that bad though because there's lots of pretty stuff to look at and pizza to eat.


Handsome B. Wonderful said...

I feel for you friend. I live with a severe mental illness and know exactly what it's like to suffer as you do. I hope that one day soon things will be different for you. Until then, know that I support you.

I liked this that you said:

If he was there, he heard me the first time.

Well said. Why must we pray over and over for the same thing?? Is he hard of hearing?? He's not there...If he was he has long since split on his experiment gone terribly wrong.

Eek said...

I get the feeling I've seen and heard this all before...

*insert twilight zone muz here*

mothpete said...

Yep, I did the same blog post on all of my blogs. I think it's the least I can do to advertise the hell people can go through if they disregard the message.

Stew said...

About 10 years ago I started hearing a low pitch throbbing noise, like a deisle engine idling. I especially heard it at night when the house was quiet. For a few weeks i thought that maybe one of the neighbours had a deisel generator going. When I found myself at 1am with my ear against the walls trying to locate the source I thought I was losing it. Internet search brought the phenomenon of the "Taos Hum" to my attention. I wasn't alone! Other people heard the same thing. I later became convinced that the sound wasn't external at all. It was in my head. Some cock-up between ear and brain, or just some cock-up in brain! With time it has diminished, but if I concentrate I can hear it. This is a bad idea as the more I am aware of it, the worse it gets. It's like trying to not think of the word "rhinoseros" Once you try NOT to think of it you can't get it out of your head. It sucks. But if you're lucky, like I was it diminishes and you get to stop obsessing.

G.G.Dad Peter said...

Moth,visited out of curiosity. Brother I'm impressed, you realy do crack me up. Love it
Thanks for the link to the tinnitus blog, I've passed it to my Grandaughter who haa been suffering for a year now.
Realy glad to have made your aquaintance, even if we are on different wavelengths.
I'm now hooked on another damned site
Rgards Old Holborn