Tinnitus is a huge part of my life and the bane of my existence. The drama queen in me needs a bane I suppose. I'd have rather something else though. Check out the following video to see exactly how I've been living for the last 4 years. I've habituated it mostly but it's always there. It reminds me I'm alive and that's what I let it do.
I decided to make a whole other blog dedicated to the topic for those ships in the night that pass and need to hear how others have gotten themselves through the hard times. I'm really happy to have been there for you at that dark time, Barb. Millions of blogs out there girl. Makes me wonder about time and chance.
It's got videos, and links, and poems, and feeds to the latest information in Tinnitus research. I'll journal my tinnitus stuff in there from now on. It's for those who share in the ailment and want a place to vent and the like.
I had little hope for recovery and three years later I have no hope, but am habituating it better some days. Back then though my God had deserted me. My faith was tried and I failed to fit God into the scenario. I am still angry at God but am not really blaming Him; I mean I didn't know if he really existed, and his continuing silence didn't help him. I got tired of praying. If he was there, he heard me the first time. Why did God allow tinnitus? Why did he design and allow toads to exist? I'm angry about the toads. I hate tinnitus, toads, traffic lights, terrorists, and many other words starting with the letter T.
I do find comfort in thinking this is a learning experience and a challenge. That's what life is. Life's not a song, life is not bliss, life is just this - it's living (Jos Whedon, Spike, Buffy the Vampire slayer). Well, that's a quote from a vampire with no soul. Still, life isn't easy and it's not supposed to be. It isn't all that bad though because there's lots of pretty stuff to look at and pizza to eat.