Funny religious signature lines

  • Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth.
  • Can priests turn other food into God, or only those little cookies?
  • Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer
  • Confession without repentance is just bragging. - Rev. Eugene Bolton
  • ERROR 666: Armageddon detected. Please restart universe and try again.
  • Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.
  • First Prayer you should say: 'Dear God, I know you know everything, and I know that you know that I know that you know everything. So, you must know that I'm thankful for life... so I hereby say that I shouldn't have to spend my nights on my knees saying my thoughts to someone who already knows what I think. So this is my last and only prayer... it's either that or get me a damn kneepad.'
  • Freedom *OF* religion includes freedom *FROM* religion.
  • Give me some of that old-time Religion...HAIL ZEUS!
  • God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
  • God: Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Angel: What are you going to do now?God: I think I'll call it a day.
  • Here's to the sun God, He sure is a fun God, Ra, Ra, Ra
  • How do we know God doesn't change his mind as much as we do?
  • I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.
  • I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill
  • I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
  • I disbelieved in reincarnation in my last life, too.
  • I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.
  • I don't mind Jesus, it's his fan club I can't stand.
  • I saw the light. I turned it off.
  • I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
    If atheism is a religion, then "bald" is a hair color.
  • If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
  • If i cant eat chocolate in heaven... then im not going.
  • If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
  • If money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it so badly?
  • If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  • If we're born again, does that mean we get two belly buttons?
  • If you are going to sin, then sin in the bathroom. Even God has the decency not to look.
  • If you freeze to death and end up in hell... wouldn't you be really comfortable some point along the way?
  • If you live like there's no God... you'd better be right.
  • In the beginning, God created the Baptists. And the Baptists looked at themselves and said: We good. And God saw it was too late.
  • In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see a bit better.
  • In the name of the Old Man, The Kid, and the Spook, Amen.
  • It's YOUR hell, YOU burn in it
    Make God laugh - plan for the future.
  • Morality is doing what is right no matter what you are told.
  • Religion is doing what you are told no matter what is right.
  • Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear.
  • It annoys them very much. -- G.K. ChestertonNo amount of belief makes something a fact.
  • Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...
  • Prayer: 'Dear God, we payed for this food so thanks for nothing.
  • 'Religion is for those who fear hell, Spirituality is for those who have been there...
  • Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?
  • Sign on a church: "We aren't Dairy Queen, but we have great Sundays!
  • "Sometimes we turn to God when our foundations are shaking, only to find out it is God who is shaking them.
  • Sorry I missed church, I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
  • Sudden prayers make God jump.
  • Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
  • The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
  • The Scriptures are shallow enough for a babe to come and drink without fear of drowning and deep enough for theologians to swim in without ever reaching the bottom. - St. Jerome
  • There once was a time when everyone feared God and the Church reigned supreme... it was called the Dark Ages.
  • To YOU I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
  • When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself.
  • When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.
  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.


Anonymous said...

When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.<<<<<<<<

No, it's called the Dubya Syndrome.

DaniaElizabeth said...

absolutely love this! posted one of these as a question on yahoo answers. can't wait to see the reaction.

great site - have it bookmarked!

mothpete said...

Thanks Dania, I collected these from all over (none mine) and they're hilarious!