I still don't know if there is or isn't a god

"A sinless god bore our sin!" is the cry I hear from the Christian front

This is sacrilegious but...

But really... 'big deal'. He seemed to cope with bearing the sins. I mean, it stressed him out heaps, for sure, but it didn't kill him until he let the mob whip and crucify him, but even then it was only for a few days. People have suffered more and longer, and for less chivalrous reasons as Jesus'. I've no yard stick for the pain and hassle taking on all the 'sins' that we were all so guilty of. I guess it's like Superman when he flies around the world and gets uber-stressed because he can hear all the crimes happening, and he gets frustrated because he can't help out everyone. Jesus saved everyone... apart from all the exceptions, of which there are plenty.

Of course, Jesus is 'true', apparently, and Jesus could fix all the 'sin' problems, by this mysterious sacrifice and temporary sin-bearing. I'm sure there are a dozen books that could be recommended to clear my naive views on the subject. On the surface though, it certainly IS a mystery. Sinless god became a sinner for a short period of time, and then undid it, and suffered for us when he would probably have 'rathered' be sunning himself on a beach in some better universe he'd created previously.

I've asked this question in many ways to various Christian believers, and I've never got a memorable or logical answer other than, 'It just is, OK!'. If it came down to blind faith in the inconceivable then one may as well pick any religion to believe in.

I still truly battle within myself wondering if he exists or not. I honestly don't know, although I lean in favour of such a belief, but I don't feel as though I should start going to church and getting married, and doing all the Ned Flander's things in order to make 'him' happy and not allow me to be tortured forever when I die. This brain is all I've got to work with, and ironically it'd be the one he gave me that fails to grasp what I should be doing and believing.

And if I lived my life worrying about all the 'ifs'... If China attacks... if there'll be an earthquake... if there's a Jesus... if there's this god or the other... then I would be sitting in a bunker with foil on my head. If Jesus isn't true then life was what it was, a handing of the baton to the next generation, then I'll die happy knowing I did the best I could. If Jesus is true and I didn't jump through the correct hoops in order to trigger his salvation from sin scheme for me, then I'll have to live in eternal hell marveling at the craziness of the whole thing.

I still think Christianity is neat (compared to other religions) but it's just not a logical thing unless you prescribe to certain beliefs.

* This is a excerpt from a question I asked a theologian friend posted in a forum. I thought he answered them pretty well, dammit.

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