How to write an essay paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and Gmail (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the shops and buy some chocolate and a Pepsi-Max to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back home, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. Write a blog post... you don't want to lose readers. People depend on you.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Download some mp3, and another episode of 30 Rock.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about what's on television at the moment.

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3s and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your the course and the world at large.

18. Replay to some blog comments

19. Check your email.

20. Check out bored.com and do some Stumble-uponing.

21. Curse the clock for being 2 am already

24. Check your email and watch 30 Rock now that it's downloaded. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

25. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

26. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

27. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping.

28. 6am -paper is finished.

29. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

30. Hand in the essay, and leave right away so you can take a nap.