God kills kittens when you masturbate
He'll put hair upon your palm
Don't you stroke it, don't you choke it
muscles will grow on just one arm
Wrath you'll get, plus disapproval
by spilling out your wasted seed
every lost soul by your removal
is an vile and evil deed
So put away that magazine
play sport, maybe some golfin'
stay off the net, turn off that screen
Don't squirt the dangling dolphin.