Top 21 Good Things About Hell

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- There's none of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.
- Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.
- Your "Do you smell something burning?" slays 'em, year after year.
- Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.
- Newly passed law: Three strikes and you're back in LA.
- Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.
- Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry* heat.
- Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!
- Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.
- Everywhere you look, there's a smoking section!
- Big step up from Moranbah.
- Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.
- Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80's).
- Now that you've followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.
- 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!
- Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.
- Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
- Fortune to be made on "Welcome, O.J." t-shirts.

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1 comment:

Rose said...

LOL!! I always thought that Hell would be a much better place anyway; Heaven seems sooooo boring... Good thing they're made up!!