I wore a dress for a while... I was an alterboy, OK!

I spent 16 years in the Catholic church. I went every Sunday very obediently with my mum and li'l bro. Most Sunday mornings I would pretend to be sick or very very tired but that did not often grant me a morning off. Still doesn't work on Monday mornings. I really hated enduring such a tedious and boring hour long service. The only thing I remember enjoying about the morning was the Violet Crumble bars Rob and I would buy after the mass. Other than that is was like being tortured by Jack Bauer.

During my high school years my secret 'Alterboy' life was being exposed. Wearing a long white dress every Sunday was not something I could live with while trying to impress the girls. I used to get in trouble by the priest for wearing thongs under my alter robes (that's thongs, as in the rubber shoe things, not g-strings... and no, the priest never tried to touch my thong).

The dress didn't help with the 'fagman' nickname I was getting tagged with either. Bastards. I was definitely not gay and have never came close to wanting to be gay. People love to label each other, especially in school... I've been described recently as the gayest straight guy someone has ever met. Thanks J, you're a riot... geesh.


mothpete said...


My mother is a devout Catholic that speaks in tongues. She leads a catholic movement in our area which is part of the Charasmatic Catholics. She annoys the crap out of me but I am a lot less judgemental since leaving the Revivals. Her group is sort of like a secret service faction within the Catholic ranks and I'm told their numbers are increasing exponentially worldwide. She and her cronies are a very devoted bunch of people (mostly over 50s) who pray in tongues and get very pentecostal, all the while trying to convert the unenlightened members of the wider church into their Monday night gatherings. They love the Pope, but don't pray to Mary... The love the Sunday traditions and rituals and revere their priests like demi-gods. There are so many oxymorons in this paragraph that I don't know where to begin.

There's a surprising amount of liberty given to Catholics and the more I talk to them the more open minded they seem to be becoming. It's a funny little mess though. I think I myself resent Catholicism a little primarily because I was co-erced into wearing a dress while alterboying for so many years. Luckily I avoided developing pleasure in wearing such dresses... although I have to admit they were very comfortable.

Anonymous said...

I really hated enduring such a tedious and boring hour long service.

LOL :-) Then it's a good thing You were Catholic and not Orthodox! :-)