Everytime I...

Everytime - By ME (with a nod to Butterfinger)

Everytime the surf is good I get a cold or flu
Everytime I surf the internet I don’t know what to do
Everytime I try to help someone I only make it worse
Everytime I sang a song in public I wish I’d have rehearsed
Everytime I go out, I spend too much money
Everytime I say a joke out loud it’s never seen as funny
When I buy something major it’s half cheaper the next week
Everytime I try to haggle I just get a yellow streak
Everytime I have a lunchbreak I get called away
Everytime I go to a new school the teachers think I’m gay
Everytime I try to argue someone else is quicker
Everytime I try to eat healthy I only get more sicker
Everytime I try to sleep… the bloody phone rings
Everytime I try to find something, I lose other things
Everytime I forget my mobile phone I miss an important call
Everytime I see porn I realise mine is small
Not that I do that of course… ‘cause that makes God sad
And I would never admit to doing something really really bad
Everytime I tape a late night show I miss the last five minutes
Every picture of me lately makes me look really fat in it
Everytime I forward a video and press play, it’s at an ad
Everytime I recommend a video they watch it and get mad
Everytime I drink alcohol I feel like crap
So why do I do it… cause I’m a naughty chap.

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