The most annoying minor aspects of Fundyism (Okay, getting picky)

Thanks to the contributors from Walk-away

What minor things annoyed you in your Fundamentalist church days?

1. The Best Christian Contest: It's what makes people invent things like church school bake sales scheduled on a working day. Then they dole out the guilt trips to people who don't contribute their time. Gives ample opportunity for martyrdom, and hopefully god will notice how much more dedicated they are to the cause than all those deadbeats with 9-5 jobs...

2. The way they use the word "just" way too much! Irked me even when I was at my most religious. I assume it is a way of humbling oneself before the Lord but dang it gets annoying! - "I just want to thank you Lord Jesus for the great weather you have blessed us with for our church picnic today. Please just be with us as we enjoy the bounty thou hasth prepareth for us."

3. Church picnics in the park. utterly humiliating for looming adolescents. You were on parade before the whole of society, it would seem. Fundy xians never just have fun without seeking out a couple fresh souls. someone would fish a drunk out of the pond - everyone would donate a piece of clothing, give them a feed and make sure he has a ride to get to church that night.

4. Loud, long song sessions with the obligatory public proclamations, prayers and tribal strutting.

5. Not being accountable for their own actions - "Jesus told me to do this" or "Satan made me to do that". if something goes wrong it just has to be an attack from satan - an excellent way to stay delusional about your own actions.

6. Fundies who flood the restaurants after church on Sunday morning. If people like me can get a table for lunch, we have to put up with their hand-holding prayers before the meal and their abuse of the waiter/waitress.

7. Can't say enought about not getting up at 7AM Sunday mornings. HATE morning! Dressing up for church.

8. Fake fair-weather friends.

9. The horrified looks on their faces when I make out with my boyfriend in public.

10. The way bible covers become a fashion item.

11. Fundy women who use a pretend, sugary-sweet voice when they pray out loud. Why can't they use their normal voice? Oh, and using a bastardised version of Old English.

12. Fundy men who wear white socks with black dress shoes.Fundy men who grab a woman's hand to shake it when she has not offered it. Grrrr. I hated this, even when I was a fundy.

13. Fundies who thank and praise the lord for the most trivial things, like finding a parking place. The testimony game - competing over who was the ugliest sinner and how "holy" they are now.

14. The #%@""** music!!!! dammit!!!!! i will never be totally free of those boring, repetitive church songs. Fundy women with FAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP. nothing against make-up but......sheeessh............these women would actually try to sculpt a permanent face of spiritual elation or something .............eeewwww!!!

15. Having to call people I didn't know, like or respect "uncle" or "aunty". i mean, they weren't, were they? Youth leaders with no idea about teenage issues - because they never had a childhood.

16. Idiots calling you up to see if you are still righteous enough to speak to after you missed one or two of the obligitory praise sessions.

17. Prayer sessions populated with one dork droning on (lord, just this and just that...) while all the other dorks sit around whispering "yes lord, praise you lord..."

18. Jesus music karioke as part of the sunday service....PLUS the fakey lifting of arms towards heaven."We just lift you up, Lord Jesus..." My question was always how? HOW? How do mere humans "lift up" the Son of God?