My bedtime prayer

Landover Baptist's Pastor Deacon Fred addresses thousands of hellbound freethinkers in front of Congress at the Godless March on Washington.

Lord I know that I’m worthless... worthless… and a constant source of irritation to you. Thank you for not killing me today and not flinging my limp corpse into the sadistic hell you created. As a true Christian, I love you with all my heart - convenience permitting - and am glad that your nasty temper was not turned on me today.

Lord Jesus I know your love is unconditional, all you ask is that I do everything you demand, and flatter you regularly without shame or regard to the mess of everything you try to create. Lord Jesus, even though you made some noise about us giving away all our possessions to the poor, please guide our republican party to affect which that you most desire – tax cuts for folk rich enough to tithe.

In all three of ya all’s name, I pray.